Door-to-door window salesperson.

"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck) 07/31/2018 at 22:24 • Filed to: Your house is bad and you should feel bad

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A robot attempted to upsell me windows in the form of a (maybe?) 19 year old, interrupting my manly gardening.

“Hello, hello!”

I’m literally holding a hand saw and 6" deep in bark and dead branches. Also, I’m behind a tree.

“Hello, hello!” she becons again.

I sigh and drop the saw and walk over.

“Hello, hello!” a third time.

“Hi.”

“Are you the owner of this BEA-UTIFUL home?” She poured it on for that one word, as though it pained her to do so.

“Yes.”

“Hi my name is [whatever],” as she extends her hand.

I politely deny, gesturing to my filthy hands. “Oh, I’ve been gardening.”

“Oh, I understand. My grandmother also used to garden.”

Wow, how relatable!

“Huh.”

Her expression is frozen into an empty permanent smile, the kind where if your wisdom teeth aren’t visible, they’ll fire you.

“We ’re from Renewal by Bonghole, have you heard of us?”

“Nope.”

“Oh, well we are replacing some windows... not... far... from here...” Uh, oh. She’s forgetting the script already! “... and we always ask neighbors if they need new windows as well as a courtesy to community...”

For the next 20 seconds she speaks , I shut the part of my brain that cares in order to conserve energy. Then came the extreme level of professional expertise.

“... And I noticed that you have the ORIGINAL. WOOD. WINDOWS!!!”

Is this the part where I was supposed to gasp, and say, “Oh no! MUH WINDOWS.”

“... and I noticed some discoloration. Did y ou want to replace those? ”

“Actually, these were replaced in the ‘7 0s.”

FYI, my house is well over 100 years old.

Silence, coupled with her frozen smile. Did their training account for the possibility that homeowners might actually know something about their own homes! I can see the problem if you’re an alleged window expert but make up crap in order to push a sale.

Her voice shakes and her shoulders sag.

“Oh well, that still pretty old!”

I smile back and say nothing.

“Is there... a reason why you... DON’T want to replace them?!”

“Because they work.” And work great, might I add.

“Well—”

“There’s nothing wrong with any of them,” I retort while increasing my smiling arc.

My body is now turned 87 degrees, but still maintaining eye contact. I have indulged your questions and would like you to get the message. Your attempts are for naught. Will you please leave, is all I’m thinking to myself.

“Well,” her once tightly clutched clipboard now extends out. “Can we call you in a year and ask again?”

“No, if I ever need windows, I’ll call somebody.”

At this point I’m completely turned around, doing George Carlin’ s 45-degree lean in the process.

Screenshot for reference

“Okay, have a great day!”

But it’s already 7pm as she said this 

“You too!”

gettingoldercarguy > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 07/31/2018 at 22:30

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Because Kinja doesn’t have this feature anymore...

XJDano > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 07/31/2018 at 22:36

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A few years ago a had a rental house that my sister in law, son, and boyfriend lived in. (Another story, another time)

A roof sales guy comes by and tries to pitch to her, and when he finds out she don’t own, he has her CALL ME.

And I tried to cut him off a couple times, then I let h im go on for a good 3 minuets how recent storms, insurance, no out of pocket.....

when he was ready to sign me up I said not interested, and he started going off on me to my sister in law.

I think this happened twice. The calls.

I sold that house for a loss. I still consider it a win.

WilliamsSW > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 07/31/2018 at 22:38

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You are way nicer to those people than I am.

“ sorry I’m busy goodbye” and turn and walk away. No eye contact, no glimmer of hope or interest.

I’m pretty good at making myself unapproachable when I want to.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > XJDano 07/31/2018 at 22:40

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There are some really aggressive types out there I’ve encountered for sure.

Actually your story gave me a good idea.

“Hey, are you the homeowner?”

“Nope, I started the day with a bunch of acid and woke up in this guy's yard!"

lone_liberal > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 07/31/2018 at 22:41

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I love the “ we’re in the neighborhood” contractor pitch. It’s always so confidence inspiring. We just had a “college student” knock on the door tonight trying to sell us educational material. We’re empty nesters. He then switched to some kind of Bible thing. We’re atheists. At that point he was thoroughly confused but wisely beat a retreat. Given the average age of the people on this street I don’t think he’s going to be ringing up the sales.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 07/31/2018 at 22:43

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I hate these types of sales people. My last house had sears vinyl siding uggh..... someone fell for the pitch and covered up a perfectly good stucco house.

AestheticsInMotion > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 07/31/2018 at 22:48

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To be fair what do you think is the percentage of homeowners around here that know the first thing about their windows? Even with minimal sales training I’m sure she still brings in a decent amount of business.

I’ve seen the annual income from g ood w indow & doors salespeople around here, the kind that know their product and the industry top to bottom. They p robably make m ore than the combined incomes of any three random people picked from a lineup in Kirkland. 

His Stigness > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 07/31/2018 at 23:05

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Even when I own a home I'll still tell them I rent, and I'll add, "the owner is a complete ass." just to throw them off. 

His Stigness > WilliamsSW 07/31/2018 at 23:06

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It's worse when you're at work and the CUSTOMER starts preaching their gospel to you and hands out reading material. I just had to stand there and be polite. If I had been at home I would have slammed the door shut. 

E92M3 > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 07/31/2018 at 23:08

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They “Renewal By Anderson” hit our neighborhood last week.

I noticed this gentleman standing by the curb in my neighb ors yard around 1pm. I didn’t think to much of it at first. I know the house next door to them was having some landscaping done, and maybe he had been working there and was waiting for a ride in the shade . Then at 2pm I notice he’s pacing back and forth. 3pm he’s still out there, and I decide to check my mail and engage him, he walks up the street a ways as if to avoid me. By 4pm he’s back and n ervously pacing again. 5 pm he’s STILL there, so I call the police in case he’s special needs, wandered off an d was lost. Turns out he was supposed to be going door to door selling windows. He either finished early, or said the hell with it and just stood around for 4.5 hrs instead.

A goo d rule of thumb though, anything that has to be sold going door to door is probably of questionable quality.

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 07/31/2018 at 23:08

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My BiL” yeah we keep finding water in the basement, when the contractor guy was here to fix the roof, (tree brach) he said the basement door was shot and needed to be replaced, but 1500 is way too much right now ” (I walk over. Sees dirt and leaves blocking rain channel. scraps out leaves.)

me “see if that fixes it”

You laugh, but they must get sales as it has to work on someone.

Spaceball-Two > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 07/31/2018 at 23:09

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We had “blah blah blah Tree Service” come calling last week. On a whim my wife let them do an assessment of some trees we want out. Sales guy swung hard but ultimately whiffed. His arborist called with a better bid which I was still astronomical. 

WilliamsSW > His Stigness 07/31/2018 at 23:11

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Ugh. At home I can be an ass and blow people off. Sucks when you’re at work and can’t really do that. 

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 07/31/2018 at 23:12

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I had a 18- 25 year old girl come to my door recently. She was trying to get “donations” for her “educational fund”. I exchange for what she explained as essentially self help books. She put one of them in my hand. I looked at it confused, she continued her schpeel and before I new it I had 3 books and a DVD in my arms. Now these books, and DVD “would normally sell in book stored for 29,95” but she would except a “donation” for as little as 10 dollars... each . This was all a bit confusing until I looked at the back of one and saw a logo with a cross, and a crown and like sunrise rays?  I don’t know what religion exactly they were associated with and didn’t care to ask. I don’t mind people preaching as I do it myself, but this was all pretty dang sneaky, and that did bother me.

If you’re going to try to preach to me at least be honestly about it. Don’t hide your religious ties like you’re ashamed of them.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > XJDano 07/31/2018 at 23:13

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Wait so who’s boyfriend was it. Your sister in law’s, your son’s or yours?

fintail > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 07/31/2018 at 23:13

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Yes, replace the  antique wood windows and irreplaceable hand -laid glass with some vinyl and aluminum stuff that’ll probably leak within 10 years. Good idea, might save $3/year in energy bills.

I remember the window people hit my grandmother’s mid century neighborhood a few years ago - the saleswoman pointed out the house has original windows. She firmly rebuffed them, and I have told her to leave the original windows - not worth it to replace, they are fine, and they add to the time warp feeling of the house.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > gettingoldercarguy 07/31/2018 at 23:15

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Die-Trying > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 07/31/2018 at 23:15

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fintail > AestheticsInMotion 07/31/2018 at 23:16

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When I see white vinyl windows with prairie muntins on a mid century tract house, especially a split with tall front windows, I know someone bought in.

shop-teacher > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 07/31/2018 at 23:18

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The absolute best part about having my roof replaced a few years ago, was not the piece of mind that came with knowing my roof wouldn’t leak. Nope, it was the fact that the f@$$&@# roofing scammers finally stopped bothering me.

“We’ll get you a new roof for free”

Yeah, sure you will. Blow it out your ass, and get off my property. One guy showed up like seven times. The final time I was in the middle of weed whacking. I left the terms running, and proceeded to verbally rip him new asshole. I tried being nice, but this dude would not get the message.

AestheticsInMotion > fintail 07/31/2018 at 23:27

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But it looks so good! 

I’d love some black aluminum frames wrapped around 1/2" single pane glass.... But my income level is unfortunately missing a few figures for that to happen

Alfalfa > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 07/31/2018 at 23:29

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You tell them you rent, and they’ll usually walk away with no further questions. And if it's not a home upgrade of sorts, telling them you're unemployed usually gets the same result.

MrDakka > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 07/31/2018 at 23:33

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Just plant one of these in your yard

His Stigness > WilliamsSW 07/31/2018 at 23:36

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Exactly. And I’m super duper not religious, so it was ruper duper awkward.

Wacko > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 07/31/2018 at 23:41

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Was her name cornho l io?

I try to politely cut their spee ch to say look I don’t to waste you time, I  don’t need any.....

fintail > AestheticsInMotion 07/31/2018 at 23:44

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Funny, that’s exactly the house I had in mind. 70s split with modern windows and garage door. Seen in every neighborhood in Bellevue/Kirkland/Redmond, all yours for a mere 80 0K-1MM depending on the street.

Messing with the tall windows triggers me a bit. As with cars, I am kind of a preservationist with houses, and a house of this era likely had black aluminum windows when new. Unless the house has other leakage issues, I doubt the old windows were really a big issue, yet people like the feeling of new vinyl I guess, and another one is converted.

My grandma’s early 60s rambler has all of its original windows (along with kitchen and other fixtures), and I have asked her more than once not to touch them, they might be more desirable for a few reasons now.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > E92M3 07/31/2018 at 23:47

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Could it be Gyp... Irish Travelers? There are several of them close-ish to me.

XJDano > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 08/01/2018 at 06:30

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My wife’s sister. They did get married.

They are some interesting people. 

TheRealBicycleBuck > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 08/01/2018 at 07:33

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I have the solution to all sales people.

She happens to hate all traveling salepeople. And the UPS guy. And the mailman. God forbid she ever gets out the front door when one of them shows up.

The latest traveling sales guy to stop by my house was trying to sell pest control. He tried to engage me by asking about my WRX. “Is that your car?” Ummm, no, it’s my neighbor’s. He just parks it here and I block it in with my other car.... I wonder if his pest control products work on sales people.

I like cars: Jim Spanfeller is one ugly motherfucker > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 08/01/2018 at 08:40

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Yeah I kind of want to hear this story, not gonna lie

HammerheadFistpunch > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 08/01/2018 at 19:34

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reminds me of the smart home sales guy that came by telling me about all the benefits of many internet connected devices running my life.

take a look in my garage friend...does it look like i into computers? (as im covered in gear oil from working on the cruiser in my one piece.

“ well if you had smart system plus 4.0... blah blah”

Sorry, what I meant to say is that I go out of my way to avoid the kinds of connected products you are selling. F or many reasons i am not interested.

“but just think of being able to change your ac temp on your phone and...”

Bye.